“Imagine what would worship be like if everyone came in in already connected, saying “I don’t need a song to get me connected, to make something inside of me to motivate me to worship, because I fought for my connection all week long, how amazing would worship be? How much deeper could we go? How much of God’s presence in more can we consume?”—Kim Walker (via consumenos)
I have no father in my life. I have never met my biological father. All my life it’s just been my mom and I together. Ever since I was little, I always wondered where he was, or why he wasn’t in my life. As I got older, I started to forget about him and I carried on with my life. But recently, at random moments, I would be reminded of my dad. I remember looking at the pictures we had of him and I would just cry. I felt so much bitterness towards him. I secretly hated him, yet I was longing to see him. Just to see where he was now, how he was doing.
Because I didn’t have a father-figure in my life, I felt as if there was something missing. Some kind of love that I wasn’t experiencing. This led me to search for love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong people. All I wanted to do was to feel loved, cared for, and noticed. I didn’t care who it was, I didn’t care what gender they were. I just wanted love.
I became involved in an inappropriate friendship. Inappropriate because I knew the truth, inappropriate because it was with the same gender. During that time, I was already a Christian, so I had the Holy Spirit in me. Throughout this relationship, He (the Holy Spirit) was convicting me. He kept reminding me about how wrong it was. How what I was doing was a sin.
After I stopped talking to this person, I was convinced that I stopped having feelings towards the same gender. But I was wrong. No matter how hard I tried to resist my flesh, I was just so powerless. I was trying to remove the problem without dealing with the root. I couldn’t do it on my own.
I needed God.
I needed His help.
During the encounter, we had a session about purity. This was the session that hurt the most for me. I had to dig deep into the parts of my life that I buried away. This was the time that I confessed to God the sins that I have committed against Him. I cried out to Him and asked for forgiveness because my sin was not just hurting me, it was also hurting Him. I asked Him to forgive me for my unforgiveness towards myself, and my father.
Praise God! And glory to Him!
After I had finished confessing and asking for forgiveness, I felt as if the shackles of my sins were being broken off. I could feel God Himself releasing forgiveness and love unto me. I felt all the hate, and bitterness leaving me. I was forgiven. I was freed.
If the Son (Jesus) sets you free, you shall be free indeed.
Love came down and rescued me. Love came down and set me free.
Glory to God!
Whoever is reading this and can relate to what I’ve gone through, id just like to say that there is hope! Don’t ever feel that this sin is too big of a problem because we serve and almighty God! Have you ever felt that there was something missing in your life, that something just wasn’t right? Well, what you need is Jesus. I’m not trying to sound corny, but you need Him. He’s the only one that can take away your pain. His love never fails, and His love satisfies. He never leaves you feeling empty, but He always fills. Legit. If ever you feel alone, He has promised us that He would NEVER leave us or forsake us. He is always with us.
There is water here. Water that cools and burns in the same cup, water that blankets and drenches to the bones water that I roll myself up in and drink to the dregs You cup it in your hands and put thirst to death. You are the well and I am the desert. You know me well when I am deserted, and you stumble upon me playing with snakes and knawing on apples, naked and hiding with tears like leaves, for fear of Your gaze fear of the way it pierces like spears and nails and tombstones. You roll away the walls that I wittle up, and ask me again where I am. With words like flowerpetals words like the northern lights, words like lightning strikes I tremble in your natures.
But the sun is scorching and the Son is calling me to drink Him in and carry trees on my back to drink water like the kind He poured out with blood and stirred in with second chances The kind I fall asleep in and wake up a new man the kind that buries me and finds the rate of exchange: what stone is to flesh, beauty is to ashes.
You give some to captors in exchange for their hostage, and my wrists are chafed from these ropes that I tie. My throat is dry from shouting rebellion and gathering vinegar up in sponges. So You tell me instead to drink You in. and as it filters through the hole in Your hands, Let the water sear the self off of me and paint You on my canvas, let it drown me. So I can hurl my last lifeboat to the tempest, and burn the sails i’ve sewn out of self assurance. i’ll roll my deeds off the starboard with the pews I’ve reserved and turn the boat straight into Your waves and brace for freedom. I will step on the water, with my eyes on You and no mind for the limitless and when I start to sink I will reach for grace, hands empty and trembling but outstretched nonetheless and i will find You like an anchor.
There is water here that cures thirst. Water that cannot fit on the tip toes of beaches or the playpens of baptismals water that is stronger than this storm and more peaceful than drowning. So I will open my mouth wide, shout through the depths of your mercy so boldly that other deserts feel the mist.
He is kind and gentle and He speaks so sweetly into the darkest places of us where we have hidden from everyone and called ourselves unworthy and takes that part of us into Himself and dies on a cross and says, “I love you,” He shows Himself just and merciful and removes our trespasses from us.
He is a lover and a friend, a Father, a brother, a confidante. He is trustworthy. He has a great sense of humor. He takes the impossible and makes it simple. He takes the simple and confounds us with it. He is not the author of confusion, and yet He frustrates us to the limits of our understanding and beyond.
He drew me up out of a pit and brought me health and life. he took away an eating disorder, self harm, years of drug abuse and alcohol abuse, years of sexual immorality, memories of molestation, shame from rape, pain from physical abuse, fear of being loved. He came and showed me my value. He reached place my hiding and beyond my running. He loved me.
He loves me.
And He loves you.
Forget what your parents have said, what your shame has said. You can be loved. Jesus wants to love you. He came to give life to the full. He came to make Himself tangible and touchable. You may have wasted your life. He doesn’t care. He desires you. He values you.
When was the last time you were all alone? I mean when was the last time you found yourself all alone, but it wasn’t by choice? Your friends weren’t available. Your family was busy. No matter how many people you tried to connect with you couldn’t find anyone.
There are times in life when even the people with the best support system can’t find anyone to hang around with. Some even know loneliness that steals joy and ushers in sadness. Next time you are feeling alone remember that you aren’t. The Bible promises that God is with you wherever you are, no matter what you are doing.
He loves you and wants to benefit your life. His promised to be a friend that would stick closer to you than anyone else. You are never alone and that should bring you hope.
The way you live your life is the biggest way to evangelize. You can pour 1000 sermons into someones ear but if they look at the way you live and don’t see Jesus reflected in that, how can they come to take him seriously as well?